when i was in first grade, i found out that i would have to go to Lucas school for second grade... that was a big change for me, and i didn't want to leave behind all of my friends and go to a different school. I soon found out that wouldn't be a problem, because many of my friends transferred with me, and i also made plenty of new ones. Alaina, Kandy, Shanno, Presley...
That was the biggest change for me, and i was happy when i found out that i could overcome it, and at the time i thought i had overcome it on my own. But i didn't. I had many people behind me, supporting me.
Now i am going through a change that i believe i have to go through on my own. it hurts to know that so many things about my life are changing... My heart beats wildly beneath my chest, but not from the adrenaline rush.. instead i'm thinking "so this is how easily the balance of things can fall apart"
I used to have this feeling that one day something would happen and everything would change... but as long as there was a future, i was fine.
Now that the change has happened, i'm finding it hard to think that way...
i don't have a god to put my faith in... and i'm not very good at leaning on other people for support...
and i might resort to old habits.
i don't know exactly if i will... but its a high possibility...
for now though, i just cry.
its all i can do.
i cant make my sister stay.
i cant make my friend stay.
i cant stop time from going by.
i cant stop anything.
but i can cry.
so that's what i'm going to do.
i'm going to cry until all of my anxieties go away, because i cant do anything else.
and hopefully when i'm done crying i will be able to face the present, and the future, and everything else with my head held high.
and with the soot gone from my eyes maybe i will be able to see everything and everyone clearly, and i can make things better than they were before.
after all, that's what people do best.
we mess up. we fall to pieces. and then we stand again, with our legs stronger than ever.
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